Building relationships with your students

This will be more vlog than blog. A few former students are helping me with my
summer PD for positive culture and climate. They made videos of what
makes my classroom a comfortable learning environment.
I believe one of the most important jobs a teacher has is creating a safe, positive learning environment for students. There are many ways to do this. The basics are obvious: high expectations, consistency, support, and encouragement. All great teachers thrive to create this sort of an environment, but what if I told you that it can be taken a step further? What if that kid that begins the school year calling you an "F-ing B" cried the last day of school as he hugged you telling you how much he loved you? I'm going to share a few stories with you. These are from the last eight years of teaching...

The reason I share these stories is to show how important it is to build relationships with your students. If you ever find yourself thinking "I'm here to teach, not build relationships" perhaps you should teach online classes or at the college level. Kids need you to care about them. They need to know someone is in their corner and supports them. They need to feel safe with you. You never really know what someone is going through. Be persistent and be a constant in their lives. Think about it, did you really become a teacher JUST to teach the correct use of a comma? I didn't. I became a teacher to make a difference in the lives of those I have the honor and privilege of teaching. What about you?

Graduation

Graduation is one of the biggest milestones in one's life. Since becoming a teacher, graduation has become such a fulfilling event each year. I get to see students whom I taught years ago, students who struggled throughout, but stuck in there, and students whom I tutored for years after they left my 8th grade classroom graduate from high school. I cannot tell you how proud I am each year. My absolute favorite part of graduation night is walking through the throng of graduates, teachers, families, and friends and seeing the pride on each person's face. Everyone in attendance played a role in the life of these graduates that helped them reach this point in their lives. 

I often teach students who say they'll drop out as soon as they're old enough because they hate school. Of course, I try to encourage them to stay in school, but once they enter high school, I have no idea what will happen. I recall getting a phone call from the Dean of Men at the high school when these graduates were freshman. One of the students would not behave and was spending much of his time in ISS. The AP called me and asked if I could come to the high school during my prep to meet with this student. I was confused as to why he wanted me to come, then he said, "He just doesn't care about anything. He hates all of his teachers. He's disrespectful, insubordinate, and quite a discipline issue. I asked him had he ever respected a teacher. He said he only respected the one teacher who cared about him, Mrs. Koster. I'm hoping you can get through to him."

I went to the high school the next morning during my prep. I met with the AP for a few minutes before he left to get the student. He hadn't told the student, we'll call him Joe, I was there. When the doors opened, Joe walked in with his head hanging down and the "tough-guy" swag. He looked up and made eye contact with me. He went from wannabe thug to a little boy in a flash. He ran up to me and hugged me. "Mama K, what are you doing here?!"  When I explained that the Dean had called me because he was concerned about Joe, he hung his head in shame. We talked for about an hour about the way he should be acting in school, and the respect he needed to show to his teachers because they only wanted to help him. 

His mom worked from 3pm-11pm. His dad wasn't in the picture.  He was literally on his own other than while school and sleeping. We called his mother and set up a plan. We decided I would tutor him to help him catch up on his lessons. It was early in the year, and we were optimistic. I kept him after school for tutoring and fed him dinner. Then, he went home to shower and go to bed.  His work was caught up, his grades and behavior were improving. This lasted for about a month before he got tired of it and just wanted to be free. Once his mom allowed him to skip a day or two, the structure was gone and he no longer came for tutoring. I haven't seen or heard from him since.

On the evening of May 17th, I attended graduation. I was so pleased to see so many former students receiving their diplomas. I was saddened and disappointed to see that a few did not. One or two had dropped out, but others had graduated in December and decided not to walk for one reason or another. One of them had already completed boot camp and was serving as a United States Marine. A former student was now a brother in arms! I looked for Joe. he wasn't there. I asked around and was simply told things like, "I don't know, I think he might of dropped out."

The moral of the story is this. Teachers go above and beyond, and we still can't reach them all. Those are the students that stick with us and make us want to try harder to help others. For those who made it, congratulations. I'm so very proud of you. For those who didn't, it's not too late. 

Congratulations Class of 2019! You did it!

     

Summer break

Summer break is a time to which many teachers look forward. A little rest and relaxation after 180 days of working as a counselor, disciplinarian, confidante, teacher, and often a parent to so many children is deserved. We all need that break, but sometimes, almost always for me, I'm ready to go back after a week or so. I miss my students. I worry about them.

During the school year I build relationships with my students as most teachers do.  I'm not only involved in their school lives, but also their home lives. I befriend their parents and build relationships with them as well. I attend their games, dance recitals, plays, or anything to which they invite me. They confide in me. I celebrate their victories with them. I'm there to console when there is a failure. I cry with them when they lose a loved one. They become my kids. About six years ago, some students coined the term "Koster Kids" stating that I was like a parental figure, and they felt like my foster kids. It has stuck. I have Koster kids ranging from ages 12 to 27. Many still keep in touch. I love it. I'm not always known as a mother figure to them, though. Another term coined by students is "Kosterphobia" because sometimes the Marine comes out, and they don't like that!

The last day of school is always hard. We've spent all year becoming a tight knit community, and then one day, it ends. We say goodbye and send them off to high school. My heart hurts every year. I receive many hugs and gifts, and a few tears are always shed, but there are always one or two students to whom I have trouble saying goodbye. They are usually known as the bad kids... my kids. 

Yes, I'm that teacher, the one who is cool with all the "bad" kids. From the first "F-you" to the tears flowing out of their faces as they hug me goodbye on the last day, we travel a road together. What a journey it is. It's easy to see why kids act out if you actually give them a chance to explain and truly listen to them. More often than not, 

• the undisciplined are raising themselves- Dad's in jail, mom works third shift to provide
• the kid who can't stay awake- No dad, mom parties, he's up taking care of his baby siblings
• angry at the world- no one has ever shown him what love looks like

When you take the time to get to know them, you can find out the underlying issue. Only then can it be addressed. Once I know what's going on, I find ways to show that I care. In the beginning, it's difficult for them to believe that some lady at school really cares, but before you know it, a bond is formed. 

When summer arrives, we say goodbye. I am relieved to have a break and get ready for the next year. We have been out of school for a week now and this Monday, I attended a PD. I've already started building lessons and planning for next year, but my mind cannot focus on next year because it is stuck on my students. Is Mike getting enough to eat? Did Jenny make the dance team? Joey's dad was supposed to get out of prison this month. Lord, help him be the father he should be.  I pray for my own children every single day, and I pray for my students right with them. 

It is almost like suffering a loss in a way. It reminds me of being a foster parent. The longest placement we had while fostering was eight months. When she was sent back to reunite with her parents, our hearts hurt. We knew all along that the goal was reunification with her family, but while she was with us, we loved her like our own. When she left, it was hard. As a teacher, we spend every day for ten months with these students. We learn to love them and worry about them. Then, one day in May, they leave.

In high school, I worry they will get lost in the shuffle. Will they find a trusted adult to be their champion? I hope so. Once they leave me, I can continue to pray for them and keep in touch through my student social media, but the influence I had on them decreases greatly. 

Pray for our students. I know many of them have amazing home lives with wonderfully supportive parents. Some of them do not. Teachers fill those voids. Pray for the teachers to be the leaders students need in their lives. Pray they get the rest they need over summer while working 2nd jobs, tutoring, attending PD, and planning a curriculum to begin again this fall with an entirely new class.